最近很少上网写博客了。呵呵，应该是因为最近生活过得很好，没什么不好的事情发生，所以没写博客吧？哈哈。或许吧。
不知道，是我自己的问题，还是我很*zap jiok*,为什么我还那么害怕呢？很害怕会有别人再出现，我知道，那时只是碰巧利用，可是，我从不发现有别人的出现，一直都以为是我自己的问题。觉得自己真的很好笑，一直觉得自己错，不懂错哪里，突然间有人出现。。。
我很爱他，真的很爱他，真的傻到。。真的不能没有他。好奇怪哦，还搞不懂，为什么那么爱他。哈哈哈哈哈。Anyway,我知道，时间真的能让我放下。怕来做么，又不是我的错-。-right?哈哈哈哈。安慰自己。
Seriously don't know what to write -.- I got no problem in my life now LOL. wait until I got problem I'll come write shits again la -.- Anyway!!
THANKYOU GOD! For giving me this lovely family, good friends AND this boyfriend who loves me for being me :) Okaylaaa, sometimes he doens't like the way I act or whatsoever la, but, deep down inside his heart, I know he loves me with all his heart <3 Hehehehe, Although he suck in showing his love towards me, but I know he cares about me and loves me <3 I used to hate this boy in school, didn't know, Hahahah, now, I'm head over heels towards him <3 He's not like the other guys out there, he never gotten me any branded stuff, he only love giving me flowers, HEY, GIVE FLOWERS IS A VERY BIG DEAL FOR HIM ONE YOU KNOW?! HAHAHAHAHA. He loves giving me surpries when he wants to give me the flowers, but that stupid boy always use the same trick hahahaha, but it's okay, I still love him A LOT A LOT A LOT! <3 He always scold me when I made wrong decisions, or he'll give me good advices? He's not like other guys, he don't "SAYANG" me when I'm wrong, this is why I love him, I want everything to be real, not fake. He always keeps everything to himself, yeayeayea, I always want to make him to tell me what's on his mind, cause it scares the hell outta me when I don't know what is he thinking, cause.... well......for an example, if he wanna break up with me *nxtweek*, he'll still be super normal to me... this week. THIS is scary... this scares the hell outta me.. I'm sooooo scared. when he suddenly treats me cold or... don't text me or talk to me... or... so garang to me :( So scared one day I'll lose him again... I can't imagine myself, not having you in my life, not having you in my future... I seriously can't imagine myself living without you. Maybe people will say I'm stupid for falling inlove with you, but, nobody knows you, I know you, I know you're not the person they always tell me, I believe what I see, not what I hear. If you didn't do anything wrong, I'll listen to your explanation, if it's ACCEPTABLE, I'll accept. not everything has be end with fights or break ups, I, myself, hate when people always argue until break up, why always use break up to end a fight?!! you reaally think you dai sai? you think people seriously thought of being with you for the rest of their lives?NO, stop being so immature. if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I neverr forced someone NOT to break up with me when they asked for a break up, okay maybe ONCE, but ,that's all no more. Forcing someone ain't love. What I need is real love..
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
lucky.
all of the sudden, I feel so lucky.. so so so lucky.
I feel so grateful.
I have a happy family.
I have a boyfriend that loves me with all his heart.
I have friends that love me until can argue with me just to not let me repeat the same mistake.
I'm happy.
I hope, I'll have these forever with me.
I'll have these til the day i die:)
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Wednesday, April 4, 2012
多话说。
多多苦话，只能在这里说。
说完了，又算了。
算多了，又会累了。
累了，又会停止，然后改变。
收藏一切，收给自己。
自己不开心就算了。
不要搞到身边的人也烦。
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Hard to say.
There are so many things running through my mind, yet there's no one for me to talk to.
I thought I could say anything, everything to you, I thought you might, also, can be my so call soulmate bff? Didn't know it's so hard for you to accept what I always wanna say to you. Actually right, I'm still so curious, so curious about one thing. Are you, ARE YOU, actually proud to have me? I don't know, I seriously don't. If you do, ofcourse I can feel it right? But why can't I feel it? Why can't I feel that you actually can accept me for BEING me, why can't I feel that you actually can accept who I am, the real me. Is it because I'm so not loveable?
I just don't get it. How can someone not wanting to share what's on their mind, what has been bothering them so much, blablabla, stuff like that, to thier partner? It's normal to share stuff like that to their partner, but I just don't get why I can't share anything to you. Everytime I wanna say stuff like that, you'll be like, idk how to say, kinda annoyed with what I said to you? Something like that. Is it so hard to just listen to what I wanna say?? Is it so hard to just talk to me? Heart to heart? I feel like, I've never have gotten the chance to do that with you before. Okay, maybe once, the break up time, that time. That's all, no more.
There are so many things bothering me, so many things I wanna say to you, share to you, but everytime I wanna start sharing them to you, there will sure be something stopping me from saying them out to you. At the end, I have to keep everything to myself, swallow everything to myself and solve all my problems by myself. If I can't solve them by myself, I can only ask my friends. FRIENDS, but not you. I want YOU, not them. Why can't you just be there and talk to me? When I needed someone to talk to? Everytime I start a topic, you sure come out with something to stop me. Or maybe just say, you don't like to do stuff like that. You hate it. Blablablabla.
I'm not your friend you know. I want you to share stuff with me, NOT just happy stuff, SAD stuff too. Stuff that's bothering you, making you sad, making your life miserable, hard decisions, blablabla. Stuff like that. But no, why? I don't know. I love you, I love you so freaking much, that this love has turn me into some happy kid. Almost 3 years already, and still, whenever I see you, I'll smile like a little kid that just got her candy. My heart goes flutter like I just got inlove. When I'm with you, I'll always be happy, when I'm angry or sad, well, in few seconds, I'll be alright. Not because I'm easy to be pleased, is because, I let you into my heart, into my world, that's why it's easy for you to make me laugh, make me smile, make me cry, make me sad and make me disappointed.
Anyway, this pain, this pain I'm having now, is not just pain pain, but PAIN pain. I'm scared, that's why I wanna tell you, I wanna let you know I'm really scared and I really need you by my side. Yes, you are by my side, but why does it seems that, you actually don't really care? Okay, maybe you do. But, not MUCH? I can feel that you do care, but not MUCH. Just a small caring. Maybe that's you, you don't like to show people your feelings, you like to keep everything to yourself. You don't like to show, thats why I have to feel your love, not get to see you showing me, but to FEEL them. But sometimes, I really really do need you to show me ya know?
Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep.
I didn't tell you, why?
Because, in the end, everything will still be the same.
Not everything will be solved, some will still stay clueless, unsolved.
I'm not a cry baby ya know?
I don't even cry watching romantic, sad love movies -.-
Idk why people can cry so much watching those movies, I didn't even really cried watching titanic -.- LOLOLOLOL.
I know right...
Hmm, anyway..
You knoww..
I'm only your cry baby.
I cry because of you only.
I thought I could say anything, everything to you, I thought you might, also, can be my so call soulmate bff? Didn't know it's so hard for you to accept what I always wanna say to you. Actually right, I'm still so curious, so curious about one thing. Are you, ARE YOU, actually proud to have me? I don't know, I seriously don't. If you do, ofcourse I can feel it right? But why can't I feel it? Why can't I feel that you actually can accept me for BEING me, why can't I feel that you actually can accept who I am, the real me. Is it because I'm so not loveable?
I just don't get it. How can someone not wanting to share what's on their mind, what has been bothering them so much, blablabla, stuff like that, to thier partner? It's normal to share stuff like that to their partner, but I just don't get why I can't share anything to you. Everytime I wanna say stuff like that, you'll be like, idk how to say, kinda annoyed with what I said to you? Something like that. Is it so hard to just listen to what I wanna say?? Is it so hard to just talk to me? Heart to heart? I feel like, I've never have gotten the chance to do that with you before. Okay, maybe once, the break up time, that time. That's all, no more.
There are so many things bothering me, so many things I wanna say to you, share to you, but everytime I wanna start sharing them to you, there will sure be something stopping me from saying them out to you. At the end, I have to keep everything to myself, swallow everything to myself and solve all my problems by myself. If I can't solve them by myself, I can only ask my friends. FRIENDS, but not you. I want YOU, not them. Why can't you just be there and talk to me? When I needed someone to talk to? Everytime I start a topic, you sure come out with something to stop me. Or maybe just say, you don't like to do stuff like that. You hate it. Blablablabla.
I'm not your friend you know. I want you to share stuff with me, NOT just happy stuff, SAD stuff too. Stuff that's bothering you, making you sad, making your life miserable, hard decisions, blablabla. Stuff like that. But no, why? I don't know. I love you, I love you so freaking much, that this love has turn me into some happy kid. Almost 3 years already, and still, whenever I see you, I'll smile like a little kid that just got her candy. My heart goes flutter like I just got inlove. When I'm with you, I'll always be happy, when I'm angry or sad, well, in few seconds, I'll be alright. Not because I'm easy to be pleased, is because, I let you into my heart, into my world, that's why it's easy for you to make me laugh, make me smile, make me cry, make me sad and make me disappointed.
Anyway, this pain, this pain I'm having now, is not just pain pain, but PAIN pain. I'm scared, that's why I wanna tell you, I wanna let you know I'm really scared and I really need you by my side. Yes, you are by my side, but why does it seems that, you actually don't really care? Okay, maybe you do. But, not MUCH? I can feel that you do care, but not MUCH. Just a small caring. Maybe that's you, you don't like to show people your feelings, you like to keep everything to yourself. You don't like to show, thats why I have to feel your love, not get to see you showing me, but to FEEL them. But sometimes, I really really do need you to show me ya know?
Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep.
I didn't tell you, why?
Because, in the end, everything will still be the same.
Not everything will be solved, some will still stay clueless, unsolved.
I'm not a cry baby ya know?
I don't even cry watching romantic, sad love movies -.-
Idk why people can cry so much watching those movies, I didn't even really cried watching titanic -.- LOLOLOLOL.
I know right...
Hmm, anyway..
You knoww..
I'm only your cry baby.
I cry because of you only.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
失望
每次，我的突然快乐。突然的自信满满，就被一句话，或一个字，全毁了，没了，消失了。
感觉上，我不应该那么有自信。
突然的自信，一下又会被摧毁了。
你知不知道，你的一个字，一句话，对我影响力几大吗？？？能够立刻把开心的我，立刻变成不开心，很伤心的人。
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Wednesday, March 14, 2012
miracle!
Just realize i haven't been blogging lately . Good thing?? Haha i guess so:))
everything is going so smooth.
Me and him, everything is going so well.
So much better than before:)
I'm so happy!
I made the right choice:)
Im so happy.
Seriously!:))))))
I love you so much baby!
I love you<3
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